i am being pulled. call it what you may.. fate? karma?.. i am being pulled into opening my heart- literally and figuratively.  recently i have started to see how much i judge "It feels good, it feels bad. I am good, I am bad" and that i am not allowing my life to flow in the moment whilst judging away! ahh so, as my first teacher, Ram Dass said. its all perfect as it is (and so am i). 

"When people start to meditate or to work with any kind of spiritual discipline, they often think that somehow they're going to improve, which is a sort of subtle aggression against who they really are. It's a bit like saying, "If I jog, I'll be a much better person." "If I could only get a nicer house, I'd be a better person." If I could meditate and calm down, I'd be a better person."... But lo...ving-kindness-maitri-toward ourselves doesn't mean getting rid of anything. Maitri means tha we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already. The ground of practice is you or me or whoever we are right now, just as we are. That's the ground, that's what we study. That's what we come to know with tremendous curiosity and interest."  Pema Chodron (ROCKSTAR)